Her Secret -- 9 Occasions You Should Stick Up for Yourself

Social psychologist Susan Newman, author of "The Book of NO", named nine occasions that you are totally right to stand up for yourself.

1. Say No to a Really Annoying Favor.
"I'd like to help you out, [sound of you flipping through daily planner], but unfortunately, it just won't work." The less you explain, the less they'll argue or beg ... and you'll be stunned how quickly the person says "okay" and moves on to someone with a weaker backbone.

2. Get Retail Reparations.
First, decide what you want (a comp, store credit, a free trim), and ask for it in person as soon as it happens. But here's the real trick: Stay put for as long as it takes, and coolly respond to any nonsolution ("That's not our policy") by asking to see someone who can help you. No business wants an unhappy customer sticking around -- they'll do whatever it takes to ge tyou on your way. Just stay calm at all costs. If you blow up, they can ask you to leave, and then you don't get results.

3. Tough Love a Whiner.
This is a tough one, because you honestly feel bad for a pal with a jerky man or a negative bank balance. But after the 90th time, you might try saying "we're always having this conversation, but nothing seems to improve. I can't give you the advice you need -- you should talk to someone who can, like a psychologist/financial planner/relative."

4. Press an Issue With Your Joker Boyfriend.
You bring up a beef with your man and he laughs it off. Your reflex may be to drop it so you don't look naggy. Instead, stay on point. Simply press on, "Reall, this bothers me because ..." When you grin, your guy thinks he's off the hook and stops listening. So keep your face serious.

5. Refuse to be B-listed.
Instead of acting find as your pal is b-listing you, respond as if she'd said "Nope, I'm busy," and say "Oh, some other time then." The casual line gives her a wake-up that you were looking for a yes or no, not an "If I have nothing better to do."

6. Demand Your Credit.
When a coworker pipes up with your idea, speak up ASAP. Just say, "I'm so glad to hear you come back to my idea from our talk earlier. Expanding on that ..." It's as strong as saying "go to hell" but gives you control.

7. Undermine Mean Girls.
If you walk in on a gossip-athon about one of your crew, ask a zillion curious questions that make them justify their cuts: "Who told you? How did they find out? How do you really know?" Eventually, they'll get so self-conscious and bored that they'll shut the hell up.

8. Call Out a Borrower-and-Breaker.
Nonconfrontationally say she probably didn't realize the item was damaaged and it needs to be fixed or it cost so-and-so to repair.

9. Ax Excess Apologies.
Chronic I'm sorrys put you in the wrong in people's eyes even if you aren't ... and make you feel wimpy. Save your sorrys for when you actually screw up.

Courtesy of the May issue of Cosmopolitan.